'I shouldn't feel this way, other people have it worse than me'

One thing I hear a lot from clients is: ‘ I shouldn’t feel this way, other people have it worse than me’ This comment fills me with mixed emotions. On one hand I applaud the client’s empathy for others but then I want to shout at them to remind them that they are important too.

So, for example, If someone broke their leg and then two days later someone else breaks their leg, does this means that the first’s person leg stops hurting and is ‘fixed’ because someone else is in pain? Of course not. Both of these people’s feelings are real and more importantly VALID. Both of these people have been through pain, and it doesn’t matter whose pain is worse or who’s accident was worse or how long ago it was. Both people were hurt, no matter the circumstances surrounding it, both people felt pain and needed assistant. Another way of looking at this: If we now think of sadly losing a relative, everyone member of that family has lost that person. Who you are in this example, in my opinion isn’t important, no matter who you are, you’ve still lost a loved one. Yes, a husband may have lost a wife, a child may have lost a parent, a parent may have a lost a child, a sibling may have lost a sibling etc, and you could spend time arguing about who’s in the most pain or who’s pain needs to be the main priority, but what does that achieve? The fact of the matter is that every single person will be experiencing their own pain in their own way, some may be ‘dealing’ with it better than others, but every single person’s loss and pain is VALID AND IMPORTANT.

YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND IMPORTANT.

Please don’t ignore them just because you feel you have ‘no right’ to feel that way. You have the right to feel how you feel and the right to deal with those feelings in the way you need to (hopefully in a healthy way, but that’s a different topic completely). One thing we need to be aware and careful of is the fact that as much as we have a right to feel how we feel, so do others. We need to respect and honour other people’s feelings just as we would hope and expect people to respect and honour ours. It’s ok to not understand how people feel but it’s not ok to invalidate those feelings. You don’t live in their mind, just as they don’t live in yours.

If you’re reading this and relating in anyway, that you sometimes overlook your own emotions as other people are more ‘important’ I want to say to each of you that your emotions are important and valid. Please do not forget about them as situations like this have a nasty way of creeping back up on you. Have you ever stopped to explore this further and asked yourself ‘why is it I feel my feelings are less important than others?’ (counselling can help you explore this further in a safe way if this feels uncomfortable for you) Moral of the story, other people’s experiences/feelings do not overshadow yours.